hodgepodge

Too many thoughts.  All of them, I suppose, philosophical on some level or another.  Good luck sorting through them.

1.  My writing feels calous today?  Is it, or am I just grumpily misinterpreting myself?  If I can’t tell what vibes my tone is setting off, how will you?

2.  Pagan Christianity.  Interesting book.  I know there is much I will not agree with - but being on the outside of an “institutional church” at this point makes the book easier to wade through.  I struggle with how to mentally categorize any Christian book that does not fit into an easy doctrinal category (Blue Like Jazz is another example of this) - so I am not sure what I will get out of this.  No pre-conceived notions, that’s helpful.

3.  Permission granted from my hubby to discuss what is happening in our home church.  More to follow.  I just don’t have the energy to blog this one in depth right now.

4.  I feel isolated.  This is a toughy.  Hard to explain, hard to deal with.  I know I am where the Lord wants me to be, and yet feel, I guess, like I am on the outside of things I wish I were not on the outside of.  I wish it were otherwise - I guess that some decisions in life leave you with a door that seems to swing shut behind you faster than you expected.

5.  Friends.  Ah - so many blessings in my life right now.  I don’t know why everyone is checking out my blog the week I go on vacation - but you have all encouraged me, and uplifted me. 

6.  Priorities.  A big word for me right now.  I want to make every moment count, and know that that starts by making sure the important things come first.  I saw this great analogy once - where if you try to fill up a jar with sand (the small stuff in life) first, and then put in the pebbles (the big stuff in life) there is never enough room for all the big stuff.  Try putting the pebbles in the jar first, and fill in the spaces with the littler pebbles, and the sand last… and everything fits.  When I waste time on facebook, or surfing the net, or vegging in front of the tv, there is no time for the big stuff… priorities….

7.  This is another blog in itself… Resisting the Spirit.  I left for Florida, sensing the opportunity to focus on God for the week.  I shopped.  And, I chickened out during corporate prayer at Bible study, because I sensed TOO much prompting from the Lord.  It’s like holding back a sneeze…. The idea of being in His presence terrifies me.  I mean, I pray, and I read my Bible, and listen to podcasts… and many of my talks are on thoughts on God… but I know He is trying to draw me in deeper, and I am hesitating.  I think, for this time, the Lord is using the blessed teachings of Piper/Edwards - as I am being re-reminded in “A God Entranced Vision of All Things” that “He that testifies God’s glory [doesn't] glorify God so much as he that testifies also his approbation of it and his delight in it.”  I am eagerly anticipating finding my supreme joy and happiness in Him, but anticipate it being costly.  (Ah, the bottom line of what I sinfully struggling with, is it not?)

8.  It will cost sleep.  He wants me up early.  And, the dreams that start to settle in my head when I am closer to Him, are troubling.  I hate waking up to nightmares - although it is an odd sense of wonder, when you know the demons are taking notice of you.  “But the evil spirit answered them, “Jesus I know, and Paul I recognize, but who are you?”  Acts 19:15 - that this may not be said of me….

ugh.  even while editing this, Judah’s waking up from his second nightmare this evening.  If the timing were not so consistently even with my spiritual walk and nightmares, I would brush it off…. 

9.  I chickened out a few times while in Florida.  I listened as a friend explained her position on believing in a higher being, and being centered with whomever/whatever our understanding of that is…. Why, dear Jesus, can I not say I worship the only way, the only truth and the only life?  Fear of man… for shame…  That the thought of hearing “well done, good and faithful servant” might outweigh any hope for earthly accolades or peace.

10.  1 John.  Susan wants to study 1 John this summer.  Does she know the verses in there?  A call to hate this world, and it’s desires….  I think I am more afraid of 1 John than any other book of the Bible - because I know that I can not call the spade anything but a spade… I have tried.  I (half) jokingly told the girls today I want to be able to buy a motorcyle (and probably a hottub) before I tackle 1 John…. I am just not ready to walk the walk.  Stupid, sinful, satanic logic really, when it comes right down to it.

11.  I should not blog in the evenings - the house is far too quiet, and I am far too honest…. 

 

I am home!

Just a quick note - I was away for a week in Florida - and just got back last night.  I can not wait to respond to the comments on here - but it will have to wait until after I have bought enough food at the grocery store to feed my family.

 

 

Being Filled.

More Tozer.  This is the blog I have been wanting to write for a week or so now - I now that the thoughts I have gleaned from this book are going to linger.  Life altering, you know?  For myself at least - whether they will be for you or not is, I suppose, a God thing… 

“Every believer is as full of the Spirit as we actually want to be.  This sounds like a shocking thing, but it is true.  Everybody is as full as they want to be.  Everybody has as much of God as he desires to have.  The average Christian does not always have as much as he prays in public he might have, or even in private, because there is a fugitive impulse that comes to us.  We want the thrill of being full, but we do no want it badly enough to be filled.”   

Tozer goes on to say:

“This desire [to be filled] must become all absorbing.  I want you to hear this; that the desire to be filled must become all-absorbing in your life.  If there is anything bigger in your life than your desire to be Spirit-filled, then you will never be a Spirit-filled Christian until that is cured.  Never.  If there is anything bigger in your life than your longing after God, then you will never be a Spirit-filled Christian.” 

Hmmm… Do you like these quotes as little as I do?  Do they make you uncomfortable too?  They make me uncomfortable, because they are relevant.  I am especially focused on Tozer quoting D.L. Moody - his logical analogy is worth pausing over:

“D.L. Moody used to take a glass of water for an empty glass and fill it and then ask, ‘How can that be filled, how could I fill that with milk and how could I fill that glass?’  The obvious answer is, you got to empty it.  Then Moody would pour it out into another vessel as an object lesson.  There must be an emptying and detachment from the interest of life.”  “We are so determined to be happy that if we cannot be happy by the Holy Ghost, we will drum up a lot of happiness.” 

So.  I look at my life - my soul - my heart - and think about what the glass looks like.  I am fairly certain I try to fill it up with the waters of life, and try to top off the last little bit with the oil of the Holy Spirit.  But, they don’t mix…  Our God requires an empty vessel. 

This all puts new perspective to verses such as 1 John 2:15:  “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”  My vessel is full of other things.  I LOVE riding motorcycles.  I love getting tattoos.  I love new shoes.  I love stamps.  And Halo.  And my books.  And, one day, they will all fade away.  They will matter for no more than a few decades in an eternity. 

There is no good way to admit this - but I am actually, sinfully frustrated with God right now.  I am going to Florida next week, and I am already not looking forward to the great shopping trip that it is supposed to be for me.  It feels so wrong when I think about it - and I know that is the Spirit convicting me.  It’s like - He is in the process of emptying me of these fleeting pleasures, but I am resisting.  That this might not be true for so very long!  That I might be filled with the Holy Ghost!  That I might see the things of this world for what they really are….

 

I know I am where I need to be when…

I started blogging because I had too many thoughts that needed to be written down.  And I figured, what the heck, maybe I will share them… I know I am where the Lord desires me to be when my blogs are not forced, as they have been the last few weeks, but when they instead flow from a fount that will not shut up in my head.  I could write 4 or 5 blogs today, and not touch all of the thoughts circling in my head.

Let me share a couple though:

Brother Yen, in Heavenly Man, bemoaned the Western Church bringing in tracts from their various denominations.  He talked about how united the Chinese church was when “all” they had was the Word.  My thought today is that perhaps one of the problems with denominations is taht instead of The Body working together and functioning together, all the feet go and join one denomination, and all the arms are somewhere else.  I attended a Pentecostal Bible study last week, and loved it.  I wish my own upbringing had included more emphasis on the Spirit - as their’s clearly does.  I heard prayers of faith, more than I have before as well…  But, what if each small church were a reflection of the universal church?  What if these women of faith were not all comfortable together, but rather each one was in a pocket, encouraging other believers who struggle with less faith?  I am not sure I am explaining myself well - I just think perhaps denominations are for the purpose of connecting on secondary issues, rather than uniting on primary ones.  And so, it feels sometimes like all the people with the gift of teaching are in the Baptist churches, and all the people with the gift of faith are in the pentecostal churches, and all the people with the gift of service are in the united churches… because like draws to like, and we go where we feel accepted.  All the feet hanging out in one building….

I was also thinking this week about Paul’s exhortation to his audience - that they compare what he was saying with Scriptures, to see that it is so.  I can’t find the verse I am thinking of (help me out Dave), but the Bereans also come to mind: “Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true.”  Acts 17:11

Mulling this over - these are certainly no great or new thoughts - Paul was clearly not upset that they second guessed him.  With all of his knowledge - being a Hebrew of Hebrews, etc… (Philippians 3:5,6) he praised the Bereans for putting their own understanding of the Word above his teaching.  They were not to accept his interpretation, and neither are we to accept anyone’s understanding of the Bible unless we have gone to the Word, to see if it is so.  Oh!  That we might hold God’s living and active Word as highly as we ought!

The rest of my thoughts swirl around being filled by the Spirit (a whole ‘nother blog), and martyrdom, and suffering, and how the world is going to look in a few short years.  About reflecting the love of Christ to my children.  About prayer.  And making lists to pray - let me throw in a thought on that one here. 

I am continually feeling a prompt to not “take down prayer requests”.  Does your church do this?  Make a list… What things do we make lists for?  Groceries, and budget meetings… I used to make a list of things to talk to people about, when I was nervous and did not know what to say on the phone.  I felt secure if I had at least three things to discuss.  I think we hide behind our prayer lists, because we have no clue how to converse with God.  We say we write these items down to remember them later in the week - but we never do.  Or, so that we are not praying for our own needs, but that someone else can… that’s silly.  Why do we tell one another our needs first, and then tell God?  What if *gasp* more than one person prayed for the same thing?  What if I brought up my sick daughter in prayer, and then two people later someone else addresses the Lord with the same need?  Where two or more are gathered… I want to pray with two or more - meaningful prayer, not grocery list prayer.  Not check, check, check we covered all the needs prayer….

 

Alright - rant over…..

 

Tozer on the Church.

Still reading Tozer on the Spirit - Clearly, you need to get your hands on this book!  I am amazed at how much of what he says applies to the church today. 

I do not even know what to summarize - I think today I will go for some of the What’s Wrong quotes… 

“If we just stopped all our busyness; got quiet, worshipped God, and waited on Him; we would rise above the carnality of present Christians.  This does not make people love you to say this, and it certainly is not chapter two from How to Win Friends and Influence People.  But it is true nevertheless that the body of Christians is carnal.  We are a carnal bunch.  The Lord’s people ought to be sanctified, pure, clean people, but we are a carnal crowd.  We are carnal in our attitudes, carnal in our tastes and carnal in everything.  The conditions are so shockingly irreverent these days.” 

“We should be a spiritual body with social overtones.  Instead of that, most of our churches are social bodies with spiritual overtones.”

“Unless the Dove of God can come down with His wings outspread and make Himself known and felt among us, that which is fundamentalism today (1960’s) will in twenty-five years be liberalism.  You can be as certain of that.  And liberalism will be universalism because this vile world is not a friend of grace to lead us on to God.  We are going the other direction.”

“There has been a great blunder in more modern orthodoxy.  It is the erroneous assumption that spiritual truths can be intellectually perceived, and there have been far reaching conditions resulting from this.  It has shown itself in our preaching, in our praying and in our singing, and in our activity and in our thinking.”

Very prophetic insights….  I guess, perhaps because so much of my own thinking neglects a focus on the Holy Spirit, I did not expect so much of this book to touch on problems in the Church as a whole.  I anticipated a book on who He is, what He does… and much of it is a look at what life is like apart from the Spirit.  The Spirit is what is missing in the Church.  We have quenched Him…..

 

Tozer on questions.

I am currently reading Tozer’s mystery of the the Holy Spirit.  I am still early on in the book, but thought I would share this thought, as it pertains to where the church seems to be at these days.  Tozer died in 1963, so this was written at least 45 years ago…

When discussing what happened to the apostles at Pentecost, Tozer lists the following as one of the changes evidenced in their lives:

“Fourth, a clear sense of the reality of everything.  You noticed that in the four Gospels, they were asking questions and in the book of Acts, they were answering questions.  That is the difference between a Spirit-filled man and one that is not.  The man of God, the preacher that is not Spirit-filled makes a great deal, and one of his phrases is likely to be “and now let us ask ourselves this question.”  Have you ever heard this from the pulpit?  I have often wondered why the reverend wanted to ask himself a question.  Why didn’t he settle that at home before he came to church?  Always asking questions.  “And, now, what shall we say?”

Brother, God never put a preacher in the pulpit to ask questions; he put a preacher in the pulpit to answer questions.  He put him there with authority to stand up in the name of God to speak and answer questions.  Back in the Gospels, they were always asking questions. “Lord, shall it be?  Lord how shall it be?  Lord, who?  Lord, what?”  But when they got to the book of Acts, they began to answer questions.  And they stood with authority…..”

 

The Shack. The love of God.

“I hear what you are saying with Job, and Romans 9, and I am just struggling with what do I really believe about all this. I don’t want to see God as a meticulous control freak, who reaks havoic on the lives of his children for some twisted purpose. As a parent, i would never do that to teach a lesson. There are times I would let my children fall in their own problems, to learn life lessons, but would protect them severly from the horribly painful ones. For example, I would not in a million years allow my child to endure sexual abuse, so that he or she can be used to help others in the future. I would fight like crazy to keep it from happening, regardless of what it is used for. I hate to see god as my father, who is going to plan for this to happen to me, so that he can use it later on in life. As a parent I could never do that to my child. also, the protection issue, if someone broke into my home and attempted to hurt my kids, I would fight, tooth and nail to protect them, i wouldn’t stand back and say, well lets see what lesson i can teach from this. So, looking at God as a parent, i don’t understand the view of meticulous control, predestination thing.
I have no idea if any of this makes sence, I am really just trying to figure out where do I stand in this relationship with God, as my Father? or God as my friend?”

I thought I would post my reply to this private email here, as I have much to say, and because I think my friend brought up questions that many Christians have.  And, because I think some of you will have some things to add. 

This was (surprise! ) in response to the book, The Shack.  And whether or not the all loving God in the book is an accurate portrayal of Him.  Let me say from the outset - “God is love”.  He is the source of all true love.  The greeks had four different words for love - and the one “agape” refers specifically to the type of love God has for us, and the love we can have towards Him and one another, only when we know Him…  Jonah did not want to go to Ninevah, he says, because “I knew that You are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster.  Therefore now, O LORD, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live.”  Sulking Jonah did not want to preach a gospel of repentance - he knew that God would save the Ninevites - and Jonah wanted to watch them burn and die for their sins.  So - I am not denying the steadfast love of our Lord that never ceases.  Not denying His mercies that are new every morning.  Not denying that He loves us with an everlasting love.

I do not however love the god of The Shack.  Who says “Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn’t mean I orchestrate the tragedies.”  Or “I did not purpose Missy’s death, but that doesn’t mean I can’t use it for good.”  The god in The Shack says “I’m not a bully, not some self-centered demanding little diety insisting on my own way.”  He also says “I’ve never taken control of your choices or forced you to do anything….”

I think what Young is doing is trying to rebut the doctrines I believe.  But, I think the only real way to answer these is to go to the Word.  What does God say about Himself, and about His sovereignty and my responsibility?  I believe the only way to approach this is to go to the Bible, and see what God says about Himself.  We know He is a God of love.  We know He is merciful and full of grace - else He would not have sent Jesus to die for our sins.  Granted, many of the passages I want to quote are hard reads.  They don’t seem to reconcile themselves with the loving God our modern gospel presents.  To which I say - we MUST go to the Bible, by the power of the Spirit, with our eyes and hearts open, and reconcile our own impressions of God with who He says He is.  Sovereign.  Holy.  And motivated to act, for the sake of His name and for His glory.

Young says: “I’m not a bully, not some self-centered demanding little diety insisting on my own way.” 

God says: “Behold, I will stir up against you your lovers from whom you turned in disgust, and I will bring them against you from every side: the Babylonians and all the Chaldeans, Pekod and Shoa and Koa, and all the Assyrians with them, desirable young men, governors and commanders all of them…. And they shall come against you from the north with chariots and wagons and a host of peoples.  They shall set themselves against you on every side with buckler, shield and helmet; and I will commit the judgement to them, and they shall judge you according to your judgements.  And I will direct my jealousy against you, that they may deal with you in jury.”  Ezekial 23:22-25  Why?  “you shall know that I am the Lord God.”  (v49)

“You shall know that I am the Lord” appears over 50 times in the book of Ezekial.  It is a common theme - and is mostly connected to His wrath, and His fury and His jealousy - because His people are whoring after idols.  He jealously desires our whole-hearted obedience.  And, when our adulterous hearts chase after idols, sometimes He hands us over to our enemies. 

I do not believe the bad in our own lives happens for much different reasons - that we may know that He is God.  I don’t think I have the answers friend.  As a Father, He by no means takes pleasure in bruising us.  ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him.  I believe that ultimately, it is through the deepest of sufferings that we most clearly see our Savior.  I think the pains of this life are for the exaltation of Him.  To draw us near to Him.  To teach us to rely on Him.  To prove Him faithful and beautiful.  To teach us lessons we do not yet know… May never know in this lifetime.  Sometimes yes, to teach others.   His reasons are always, always loving, you must trust Him for that.

So, if Job received the evil of the deaths of his children from God’s hand, from whose hand do we receive ours? 

Job did not sin when He said “Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” (2v10)  Let us trust - not that God is scrambling to make good of evil - but trust instead a sovereign God who, for reasons deeper than we may ever fathom is making wise and loving decisions that seem to sting in our life on earth.

 

 

 

All done sinning?

This is a thought I have been mulling around in my head for a while now - culminating with an article on my MSN homepage a few weeks ago.  I did not actually read the article - but I know I can google the contents with some success.  The idea is that infidelity is a chemical imbalance.  Seriously?

It is like a friend pointed out - you don’t drink too much, you are an alcoholic.  You are not responsible for murder, you have a mental problem.  You didn’t commit adultery, you were chemically imbalanced towards an affair.  We soften the language of sin, and masquarade it as something sort-of beyond our control - it really is a predisposition we have towards something socially unacceptable, that we can not really fight.

Not so from God’s point of view.  I am reading through Ezekial and in chapter 23 the Lord uses the word “whore” 16 times.  Not counting all the mentions of lust, idolatry, adultery, lewdness, and nakedness.  It is a really intense and uncomfortable chapter.  Not the sort of thing you will ever hear read from the pulpit.

But, the point of it was that Isreal had turned away from God, and whored herself after other nations.  The people of God are the Bride of Christ - and any time they are seeking their joy elsewhere, they are commiting adultery.  Heavy charges, are they not?  Ezekial repeatedly quotes the Lord saying “and you shall know that I am the Lord God.”  But, it is not in the context of love - but of wrath.  And jealousy.  (see 23:25) 

Shame on us, for making light of our iniquities, and His holiness.  For not acknowledging that every idolic thought, every propensity to delight in pleasures contrary to His nature, to seek our joy in that which does not satisfy is really us just prostituting ourselves to money and sex and video games and football and food and, and, and…. 

How great is our God!  How great and awesome - in a terribly holy awesome sense - He must be!  “you shall know that I am the LORD; I have poured out My wrath upon you.”  (22:v22)  “On account of your unclean lewdness, because I would have cleansed you and you were not cleansed from your uncleanness, you shall not be cleansed anymore till I have satisfied My fury upon you.  I am the Lord, I have spoken; it shall come to pass; I will do it.  I will not go back; I will not spare; I will not relent; according to your ways and your deeds you will be judged, declares the Lord GOD.”  (24v13,14)

Oh!  That I might be judged according to the work of His Son on the cross, and not according to my iniquity! That I might stand before His throne, covered in the precious blood of my Savior, and not in my own merit!  For, I have none.  I have played the whore - many times…. 

 

Truth in love

“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ”  Ephesians 4:15

One of my sister’s favorite things to quote at me is “We need to speak the truth in love; being neither loveless in our truth, nor truthless in our love.”  So much harder than either alternative.  She is also quick to remind me of an opening thought in Beyond the Bounds (edited by Piper, Taylor and Kjoss Helseth).

“As to your opponent, I wish,, that, before you set pen to paper against him, and during the whole time you are preparing your answer, you may commend him by earnest prayer to the Lord’s teaching and blessing.  This practice will have a direct tendancy to conciliate your heart to love and pity him; and such a disposition will have a good influence upon every page you write…. [If he is a believer,] in a while you will meet in heavern; he will then be dearter to you than the nearest friend you have upon earth is to you now.  Anticipate that period in your thoughts… [If he is an unconverted person,] he is a more proper object of your compassion than your anger.  Alas!  “He knows not what he does.”  But you know who has made you to differ [1 Cor. 4:7].”   John Newton

The whole introduction is an excellent read, on how and why to express disagreements with one another.  The book in it’s entirety is available at Desiring God’s website. 

I am struggling with the balance myself.  I have strong opinions, and want to have, as Taylor says “a tolerant spirit toward persons that manifests itself in love; while not being “tolerant in mind of what God has plainly revealed to be either evil or erroneous.”  (Quoting Stott) 

And, I love the next quote in the book!  “The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid.”  Chesterton.

So, when I feel compelled to speak/blog, I pray that my words are full of a balance of truth and love.   

Rob Bell suggests that those who “engage in mudslinging” “are miserable, and they use religion as a crutch to avoid dealing with their misery and their pain. And what gets masqueraded as Christian faith is not. And we need to be careful spending all sorts of energy engaging with people who don’t have any interest in coming along on the journey with us.”  May I never leave anyone with the impression that I am so busy throwing mud at those in the EC that I am not being obedient in loving God, or others….

 

I love it when…

I love it when I get goosebumps reading a passage.  Like this evening.  I was in Isaiah, and chapter 57 verse 15 calls God “the One who inhabits eternity” and says His name is Holy.  The One who inhabits eternity?  How beautiful is that! 

The dictionary definition of inhabits is to “occupy as a place of settled residence or habitat”.  The original Hebrew includes the words abide and tabernacle.  God abides in eternity.  His settled place of residency is eternity.  Where is God located?  Eternity.  I love it!

And, His name is Holy. 

The rest of the verse, of this Great and Awesome God that we are so humbled to worship, is about where He dwells.  He dwells in the high and holy place.  And, He dwells with him who is of a contrite (crushed or broken in the Hebrew) and lowly spirit.  Why?  To revive the spirit of the lowly.  And to revive the heart of the contrite.

Do you see?  In my brokenness, in my most crushed days, He, who inhabits eternity, desires to dwell in my heart, that He might revive me!!!  Do you have goosebumps?  So often, we wonder what we have done to displease Him.  We question Him.  We ask “why, dear God?”  And He answers - He wants to revive us.  Such sweet, sweet holy condescention!  His name is Holy itself, and He wants to sustain us.  He wants to heal us. 

I feel so inept with words right now.  There is no possible way to truly put to paper that feeling of being held under the wing of the God of the universe.  The curious thing that happens too - is that in His presence, I see not myself being loved, but Him being praised…. I can feel safe, and pleasantly suffocated by His Spirit, and delight in the moment - and find my heart just drawn to Him.  It makes me want to praise Him.  It makes me want to weep, that He would save me.  It makes me want to depart, and be with Him - to kiss His nail-scarred feet, and cry like Mary, and wipe His feet with my tears….  Is He not wonderful, counselor, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace?!?!?