Looking back. And forth.

I drove by one of my most favourite places yesterday, and contemplated crying. I am really, really going to miss Maryanne’s bridal shop, and the fact that it stands freshlyemptied right now makes me incredibly sad. But, I have to take a step back, and wonder “why” it makes me sad.

There are obvious reasons – I love Maryanne. She’s been incredibly supportive of me and my business, and I loved visiting her. Her dresses were thoughtfully chosen, and her store not being there anymore will clearly leave a void in the Sarnia wedding market. I loved her store, the atmosphere of it… But really, is change so bad?

I’m really wrestling with this idea lately – CHANGE. I think, at the bottom of my thoughts is this buried resentment towards change. I like consistent rythyms in life. Nevermind the fact that my life has changed tremendously over the last two years – and this change has meant new friends, a career I love, an exciting pace of life, a little extra spending money… Change is fine – if it’s my life changing. If it’s other peoples’… well, I have no control over that… So really, resentment towards change is a resentment towards a lack of control. But, honestly? I have no control anyways… I am no “master of my own fate, captain of my soul.”

That’s part of it. The other component has a significant amount to do with how we reflect on the past. My most favourite author has this to say:

“Objects of affection are like other belongings…
we must love them enough to enrich our lives while we have them –
not enough to impoverish our lives when they are gone.” – C.S. Lewis

The connecting thought? Sometimes, oftentimes, we look back on the past with tinted glasses. I think I’m a little like the Isrealites, who

“wailed, ‘If only we had meat to eat! We were better off in Egypt!'” Numbers 11:18.

Really?? Slavery was better?? How quickly do we rewrite our own histories? How quickly do we allow our reflections on what WAS impact, negatively, our ISes, and Will Bes? The Isrealites didn’t say “thank you God for taking us to the promised land!”, they bemoaned the food they had had. In captivity. So very often, instead of reflecting, in gratefulness and fondness on the past, I bemoan the fact that the present and future doesn’t look the same.

I want to be a person more inclined to accepting the God-ordained paths that life takes.  More able to love the past, and its blessings, than stubbornly unwilling to enjoy the past because it’s Past, nor the present because it’s unfamiliar, nor the future because it’s unknown. I serve  “the God who holds in His hand your life and all your ways.” Daniel 5:23 I know this is where true peace lies – letting go my notion of control, (false, false notion that is!), and delightfully resting in knowing that the changes that come are God-ordained blessings…


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Maryanne
    May 10, 2011 @ 16:49:09

    It has been a pleasure sharing the dreams of many brides, and meeting the wonderful talented people in the wedding industry. I look forward to your Journey as it will wind down many roads some will be interesting and some will be boring however I know it will be very successful because you are a wonderful kind exciting and extremely gift person.

    The simple story of Who Moved My Cheese? reveals profound truths about change that give people and organizations a quick and easy way to succeed in changing times. Great book by Who Moved My Cheese?™ by Spencer Johnson M.D.


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