It’s fleeting….

It’s the eve of my baby’s birthday.  Her fifth birthday.  People swore life would go faster and faster, and I did not want to believe them.  But they were so right.  I hate that it flies by…

Trinity and I snuggled in bed for a few minutes.  She had told me earlier today she does not want me to die.  Thanks my dear, I do not want to die either… And, she does not want me to be a grandma, ever.  Well, that is up to you and your brothers child… Our chat tonight though revolved around how she knows I do not want her to get older.  She tried consoling me… She told me she would wait to turn five “at the end of the months.”  Would you really do that for me Trinny Bear?  “Yes Momma.  But I can’t.”  No, of course you can not hold off until December to have a birthday…

My mother is one of my best friends.  It was one of the reasons I pleaded with the Lord for a little girl.  I wanted to know that feeling with my own daughter.  The one the Lord has blessed me with is ostentatious.  And headstrong.  Has been since day one.  When she was a baby, I would try and give her a bottle.  She would cry, and refuse.  And ten minutes later, down the whole thing.  Because it was now HER idea.  She’s hilarious.  She’s crazy.  And delightful.  I jokingly say I pitty the man that marries her – I wonder who is going to be strong enough to take her on…

I am humbled by my children. Only seven, six, and now five, I already feel like the age gap is shrinking… I sense their personhood at an earlier age than I think I expected to. I felt capable to mother, and lead when they were babies, and toddlers. But with each year, as they challenge the boundaries, and strive for just a greater piece of healthy independence I wonder if I am really able to mother well…

I rejoice in her independence and her health.  Her infectious laugh and winsome smile.  Happy Birthday Trinity Piper…


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. susan
    Aug 25, 2010 @ 06:40:57

    oh Nikk, i totally concur with the last bit you wrote about feeling capable of parenting the “baby and toddler” and now they are getting much more mature and grown up in their feelings and thoughts and needs…. some days it is overwhelming. I have started praying a lot more that God gives me wisdom because some days i can’t figure out what the “best thing”is to teach them in a particular situation. yikes. although, i have to say…. this stage beats the pants off of just bottles and diapers! i love independence -and going on bike rides together -and having conversations about death/life/God, and all that comes with the growing mind of a child!! 🙂 ((hug)) to you on Trin’s bday!!


  2. Angela
    Aug 25, 2010 @ 08:42:19

    Yes, I totally agree…these new stages in their little lives can be challenging. I am going through the same thing, with having a 10 yr old who needs to know everything, and is wanting some major independence! I struggle daily with the feelings that I have not taught her or equiped her with enough of what she needs spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Ahhhh…anyways, know you’re not alone.

    Happy Birthday Trinity!! You’re a beautiful little girl and your momma should be proud! 🙂


  3. alreadyredeemed
    Oct 02, 2010 @ 11:53:19

    I love you Trinity!!


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