Never too late to grieve…

“and shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?”… “Sarah lived one hundred and twenty-seven years”…  “Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah as wife”… “he took Rebekah and she became his wife, and he loved her.  So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death…” Genesis 17:17, 23:1, 25:20, 24:67

Isaac was 37 when his mother passed away.  And Isaac was “comforted after his mother’s death” when he married his bride Rebekah.  I find great comfort in this train of thought.  Because I think so often we put pressure on ourselves to have dealt with grief and pain in a certain time frame.  THREE years after the passing of his mother, Isaac finally finds comfort.

We do not deal well with pain in our society.  We avoid any semblance of it.  We create for ourselves an environment that most readily believes “time heals all wounds”.  Not so, is it?  We struggle I think, to help those who are “still grieving” or “haven’t moved on”…  Why do we do that to one another, or ourselves?  Why do we not give ourselves and each other the permission and grace to mourn?

We ought to be more like Isaac I think.  Maybe, just maybe, it’s okay to be upset for a long time.  Maybe it is okay to acutely feel the pain of loss for longer than our society currently dictates.  There may perhaps be the bittersweetness of knowing it does not necessarily get easier by such and such a date…  that can be accompanied by the thought that it’s still okay to be upset.

I hope that in our grievings we allow one another to struggle with pain in our own ways.  That we show patience.  Because sometimes three years is simply not long enough.  And that’s okay.  Sometimes, ten and twenty and thirty years later it still feels as real as yesterday.  And that’s okay.  May we be comfortable enough with our agony to allow ourselves to feel our hurt, without feeling guilty for still hurting…..


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. susan
    Dec 07, 2009 @ 19:54:21

    wow. thanks Nikk. That is a good one for me to process and live out. 🙂 you again, rock my socks. Thank you for always being forward thinking. You keep us all looking ahead, to the Hope we have in Christ and what that means for our everyday thoughts, actions and words. 🙂


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