It’s not about not making mistakes.

I reflect tonight on a few friends who have screwed up this week.  Maybe it was a comment that should not have been made.  Maybe it was slipping in to past temptations.  Maybe it was letting emotions get the better of oneself.  The commonality between each friend though is the desire, not to pretend the wrong did not happen, but the desire to make it right.

I am superficial.  That is to say, I have depth, and complexity, but there is such a small chance of me ever wanting to get caught erring.  To be honest, I am nothing like my friends.  I have stretched things, and blame shifted, and pretended things were said a different way – all to try my best to come out looking as perfect as possible.  It is such a failing on my part – God forbid you catch me crying, or yelling at my kids, or having dirty counters.  Don’t stop in on me when I have not had the chance to put on makeup… For me, maybe for you, it is all a coverup.  I am damn sure I am no more perfect than my friends.  But I want you to think so….

God forgive me, one of the traits I admire most – a humble ability to admit weakness and fault, and sin, is something I find myself seriously lacking.  I almost fell off my chair when I received an email last night from a friend who had jokingly given me a nickname that was less than flattering.  She felt terrible, and admitted it.  I had not been in the least offended by the joke; but I was incredibly, deliciously touched by the apology.  I want that sort of conviction and humility.

I know a few “perfect” people.  They have a fantastic list of thou shalts, and thou shalt nots.  They let you know it often enough too. But, I admire their attainment of perfection, or closer-to-perfection than the rest of us have, a WHOLE lot less than I admire my friends that apologize for the “little” things in life.  Than I admire friends who beg for prayer, still screw up, and still seek God’s forgiveness and get back on the horse.  Than I admire friends that call in tears, wondering if they have said the wrong thing.

Our society is so driven on feeling good, that we really do not understand that a healthy dose of guilt and shame and humility is actually a good thing.  I would be far better off for apologizing to you, than I am when I tell myself that what I said really was not that hurtful….

Better to be falling down, and getting back up in humility, than deceiving ourselves into believing we really “aren’t that bad after all.”


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. susan
    Nov 06, 2009 @ 14:02:07

    beautifully said Nikk. 🙂
    i’m so glad you blogged twice this week, i miss you a lot!! 😦 see you soon i hope.


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