When “I can’t”

I think, I know we all have those moments.  When we can’t any more.  When we can not handle another day without our mom.  When we can’t spend another day with this temptation.  When we cannot live another moment with chronic back pain.  Or headaches.  When we can’t bear the thought of being let down again, so we can’t open up.  When we can’t put up with a spouse that won’t talk to us.  Or one that only shouts.  When we can’t deal with our weight anymore.  When we can’t handle lonliness anymore…..

I heard a very timely message yesterday.  On James 1:1-4.  About how trials would not be trials if they were not trials.  How God uses and chooses different trials for all of us.  I think we are so very often oblivious to the trials, and private sufferings, and pains of those around us.  My heart today though, feels not trite, but weighty…  As though, as though the idea of you understanding your trial, and your “I can’t” as being from Him, for your own perfection, is that thing you need to know….  But that is hard to say.

I know you can’t.  I know you can’t be a mommy one more day to screaming, or sick kids.  I know you can’t listen to him talk to you like that for another minute.  I know you can’t live without that mommy in your life.  I know you can’t live with his secrets anymore.  Or with hers.  I know you can’t handle another moment of feeling your empty belly.

But He can.  His grace is sufficient for you.  His power is made perfect in your weakness.  I pray, in tears and commiseration, that He blesses you with this knowledge.  That you don’t have to, because He has and He does.  So much of it we will not see redeemed in this life.  But hang on dear friend…

I do not know the whys.  I am not sure we are always meant to.  Job certainly did not when he said “the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.”  I want that kind of confidence.  My can’t is not the same as yours.  And, it’s not the same as it will be down the road either….   I just cling to the notion that when I can not anymore, it is because He who began a good work in me, is desiring to be faithful to completion.  On the road of suffering….

I do not envy your can’ts.  I do not think though, we see them quite as we could.  We envision the only suffering that draws us to Him to be either a death of someone close, or a tragedy of somesort, or persecution….   I think the Lord is pleased to use many means to draw us in to further fellowship.

I pray for your heart to be strengthened.  I pray you find peace – even joy!  (James 1:2) in your trials….  I pray tonight that He moves  upon you, and craddles you to Himself, and blesses you with the peace that passes all understanding.  The kind that comes despite, or often, during, our darkest hours….

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