not my place to say.

I have been in a funk now for twenty four hours.  Some of it is because I thought I had a for-sure client, and it did not work out…  I have been busy with a lot of invites already, so I am not concerned, just really disappointed.  Most of my emotion though comes from feeling emotionally tanked.

On the one hand I have a dear friend in a tough situation right now.  Their life is HARD and they are struggling through, and trying really, really hard to fight the good fight.  It is encouraging, and yet exhausting; and it is not even my battle…  I wish sometimes that I had better answers….

On the other hand… Drama.  The kind that really, really should not happen.  The kind where friends say hurtful things ABOUT one another, instead of honest things TO one another.  And then live in the mire of self-destruction.  I find the whole thing painful to watch, because those involved are Christians.  Interestingly, I have been following Piper on Twitter.  And the last two days, his focus has been all about taking the log out of our own eye.  Perhaps, perhaps by even commenting on the situation I have not looked at my own life enough…  But I feel crushed.  I see friends who can not see beyond what they dislike in one another.  Accusations, and resentment.  Spiteful words.  And over what, really?  There are so very many big things in the world, and the world is whittled down to someone’s feelings being hurt.

What if every time we offended God, He said “I’m done.  I can’t do this relationship any more.  You have offended Me, and I have no desire to be with you.”  He has every right.  He is the only one in the universe who has any right to feel that way.  And we TRAMPLE His grace, when instead of receiving His mercy and extending it to those who offend us in minor ways, we allow bitterness to seep in to our souls.  We have no concept of how we are hardening our own hearts towards His forgiveness, when we do not forgive others.  Think of Christ’s parable – the man who was forgiven much, could not forgive someone else.  The parable uses monetary amounts to represent millions of dollars (what we owe God) compared to thousands of dollars owed to us.  Not to say that what is against us is insignificant, but that it pales in comparision to what our debt to Him is.  We will never see the debt against us as small, until we can reflect on it in light of the magnificence of our sin against Him.  Until the weight of my idolatry, and idleness, and crassness and pride and hatred and materialism are measured against His holiness, I can not, and you can not, see the sins commited against us as being anything but large.  But we have no right.

We have no right, to hold against our fellow believer a sin He has already forgiven.  We have no right to consider ourselves better than others.  We have no right to let bitterness and anger rob us of the forgiveness we have received and ought to pass on.

Today has been difficult.  I feel like I already said more than what people were open to hear.  I fear my opinions have been mistaken as judgment…  But they come from my own brokeness, and my own depraved heart – that knows I have held ridiculous things against others for long stretches of time.  I have let really, really stupid things bug me too… and it’s sad.  It makes me want to weep.  It makes me weep.  Will it be worth a friendship?  A sister in the Lord?  And are my own feelings towards those I resent not sin as well?  We feed the cycle….

I hope, I pray, that those who can not let go can see the pain against them as a drop in the ocean compared to the weight of what Christ forgives us for daily.  He has the right to be angry, and He chose forgiveness instead.  We have no such rights – not because we have not been hurt, but because what was done to us is nothing like what we have done to Him.  The more aware we are of how much we are forgiven of, the more able we are to love.  He who is forgiven much, loves much….


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Marie
    Jun 29, 2009 @ 22:13:41

    Thank you for sharing this. God has been impressing similar issues upon my own heart, as I seek to forgive those who have wounded me deeply. But when I realize how much Christ has forgiven ME, how can I NOT forgive those who have sinned against me, no matter how grievous the sin?

    God bless you….


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