You’ve chosen your love, now love your choice.

Nine years ago, my dad included that in his wedding speech to me.  With the wisdom of a well-intuned dad, he knew I would struggle.  That is the struggle though, isn’t it?

I watched “Hitched or Ditched” tonight.  Where the couple gets set up by a friend, and they get to basically have a wedding in four days.  Mass pandemonium.  Mixed feelings.  And in the end, the vows included, but ended at “for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health….”  What?  Not even a feigned effort at Forever?  Sad.  Heart breaking really.   As long as we both shall live?  As long as both get out of this what we want?  As long as my needs are being met?

My marriage was at, had been at, a really comfortable point for a really long time.  Safe.  I avoid vulnerability and authenticity like the plague, while virtually demanding it of others.  (ask my friends, they’ll confirm the latter half – I’m not sure they are all aware of the former half ).  I have made it a point of minimizing my own feelings on a given subject, while maximizing conflict avoidance.  Or even uncomfortability on Brad’s part.  While ironically walking around with a cloud of victimization over my head.

We changed that – a couple weeks ago.  When he said I ought to believe in fairy tales and happy endings, because I’m a girl, and I told him I have not believed in that since I was sixteen.  To which he said “It’s time to let go of the past.”  So I did.

It is a choice.  Every day, it’s a choice.  To be honest, and real.  To be happy, or grumpy.  To wake up miserable, and let it eat away at you, or to love your home, your beautiful children, your God that actually says He sings over you.  It’s a choice to forgive.  To remember that every sin commited against you was ultimately commited against God…  It’s a choice to not cry “I have the right to be happy.  be healthy.  voice my opinion.  be where I want to be in life…”  And love is a choice.

We all say it “I love you more today than…”  “My love today is deeper than…”  “I know you better know than…”  but this time I mean it.

You make me feel.....

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