If you think I am on here pouring my heart out to anyone and everyone because that is easier than actually sitting down and talking to someone, you would be correct. I can not fault you for finding walls that were not there so long ago – but I am not sure that it is BECAUSE I am on here. Having this for an outlet does not mean I would have turned elsewhere before; it’s more that I would have turned no where…. No where human I should say…..

Yesterday was bittersweet. I have a new appreciation for who my grandfather was – and he was amazing. The funeral was small, and personal. The night before was the visitation, and it included a small ceremony by the Legion. The sight of grown men choking up as they saluted my grandfather lying there will forever linger with me.

My Grandfather joined the army by lying about his age. He was accepted at the tail end of WWII – so he never fought in it. But he did fight in the Vietnam war, and the Korean war. He fought in Egypt. He was a paratrooper, who’s job it was to send back signals on the enemy’s movements – while he himself was in no man’s land, between the front lines. He was courageous. He had, as my aunt said, a ferocious sense of justice. He was proud to be a Canadian, and fought for our freedoms. He would have gladly died for our freedoms….

He had a dry sense of humor, and was generous to a fault. He was proud of his family; and the latter 15 years of his life were as good as the first 67 were bad. He had found the Lord, and he met his second wife.

I delight in knowing that this is not good bye forever, but good bye for now. We will meet again – for the Lord saw fit to save my Grandpa in his later years. For which I give Him all glory and praise!

The next few days and weeks are going to be tough I think. I hate crying. It’s why I have not called friends. It’s not that I do not know you are there. Or that I think you won’t care…. It’s pride I suppose, plain and simple….

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Raquelamisto
    Jul 29, 2008 @ 13:17:57

    hey chica, I’m in Oregon and randomly checked your blog. I’m sorry darlin. Email me your phone number because I don’t have it here…

    God is near.


  2. Nicole
    Jul 29, 2008 @ 14:33:29

    I was doing okay today – until I went through a box of books from my Dad that I have had for a few weeks on the floor of my dining room… I found a Bible signed from my Grandpa to me in ’93, that I didn’t even know I had… his wedding photo was tucked in the front….

    God is good.


  3. Amber
    Jul 31, 2008 @ 02:01:25

    Beautifully written, Nikk.

    Owen was pushing Kierra on the swing in the backyard yesterday and I went out with Quinn to play with them, and Kierra (swinging “up to the sky”) said to me, quite excitedly, “Guess what mummy!? Grandpa Chudy is ALL FIXED!! Jesus fixed him! He’s up there in heaven waitin’ for us!”

    Owen teared up and I could tell he’d had a chat with her about exactly what had happened to Grandpa Chudy.

    Isn’t it wonderful to see how easily children believe? Her daddy tells her something as far-fetched (to an unenlightened adult I mean) as “Grandpa went up into the sky, and a guy named Jesus who you can’t see, fixed him, and he’s healthy and happy and waiting up there for us,” and she believes it wholeheartedly, and gets EXCITED about it. And wants to tell me.

    Sometimes I wonder how to muster even mustard-seed sized faith, and my kids show me as easily as that. “The kingdom of God belongs to such as these…”

    Owen said to her “Grandpa gets to see my Grandma again, and the friends he lost in the war!” and Kierra thought that was just wonderful. I wish my heart could be soothed as easily as that some days! What a sweet remedy.


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