The harvest

“My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.  Do you not say ‘There are yet four months, then comes the harvest’?  Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for the harvest.  Already the one who reaps is receiving wages and gathering fruit for eternal life, so that sower and reaper may rejoice together.” 

John 4:34-36

Overwhelmed.  Again.  Brad keeps asking me if I am in a funk – I am merely deep… living in heavy waters, if you know what I mean.  Life has taken on a brevity, and an earnestness I had not thought possible.  I am eager to walk meaningfully every step, not just for an hour or two a week.

It is so hard though.  There are dishes to be done.  Diapers to change.  Supper to make.  If I have only enough time to tidy, or play lego with my kids, what is most important?  If I could read, or make cards for someone else, is one more consequential than the other?  Is it more important to read when I am tired, and go to bed early, than to relax for an evening in front of the tv?  How do I glorify God, whether I eat, or drink or whatever I do?

I am assaulted by another book – The Heavenly Man.  Written only 6 years ago – and about events that have happened in my lifetime, I cannot help but feel grossly materialistic and weak. 

I feel, on so many levels, that I make a mockery of my Lord in the way that I live.  I “need” 18oo sq. feet of home.  I “need” new stamps.  I “need” more books.  I “need” downtime.  And yet, I read of a man who, barely two decades ago, is having needles jammed up his fingernails, for the sake of Christ, and my heart breaks… Not for him – praise God – his crown of glory will be spectacular!   No… for me.  How, how do I expect to hear “well done, good and faithful servant?”  I fear that my walk will end more in the ways of those of 1 Corinthians – who are received into the kingdom – but as having barely come, as having come through fire.  As the man who buries his talents, not the man who multiplies them. 

And, I feel alone lately.  Surrounded by the goodness of those that love me – and yet uncomfortably alone.  It is surreal really.  I am touching more people’s lives in a season than I have in a decade, and yet I feel really disjointed from the rest of life.  I watch some chef show in the evening, and wonder “how much did that plate just cost you?” How many mouths could you have fed, when you play Iron Chef America?  And, closer to home… Do I need the best TP?  Do I need a new shade of lipstick?  That Tim Horton’s coffee?   Ah, God!  My desires are not too strong, but too weak!  But, what do I do with them? 

To the passage posted.  I say to the Lord “Where, where is Your harvest?  I get it, I could reap it if I were in a jail, surely….” Excuses!  Lies!  “Open the eyes of my heart, dear God, to the harvest before me!”  I cannot, cannot go to Him for eternity, without sowing or reaping….  Show me where Lord!

 

 

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Laurel Esser
    Mar 11, 2008 @ 08:43:32

    Oh Nikk, when you focus on Christ the rest falls into place, when you look to Him in everything your life will glorify Him. There is nothing in us to be able to do good, when Christs looks at us and says “well done my good and faithful servant” He sees Christ and not us. There is nothing, even if we gave up all we had and our entire lives, that could redeme us in Gods eye, and I know that you believe that of your salvation, but it’s true of everything else that we do in this life. Theres a verse in psalms (don’t remeber it exact so if someone wants to correct it please do) but about focusing on God and He will give us the desires of our heart. If your desire is to glorify God in everything that you do, then turns your eyes to Him and He will give you the desires of your heart. And be encouraged by the proverbs woman that mom always talks about, she did a lot on a day to day basis, it’s ok to want to take care of your family and home, but the focus is off. God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

    xoxo

    Reply

  2. Raquel
    Mar 11, 2008 @ 11:27:05

    I love what you wrote, “My desires are not too strong, but too weak!”

    ..sigh..
    me too, chica. me too.

    Reply

  3. Nicole
    Mar 11, 2008 @ 14:48:22

    Total rip-off from my life quote:

    “If we consier the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
    C.S. Lewis

    I’ll get to you later Laurel. 🙂

    Reply

  4. pelogifam
    Mar 11, 2008 @ 18:37:13

    Raquel gave me Heavenly Man a while back to read. I was enthralled and couldn’t put the book down. And afterwards I was left with this sense of “how do I serve/glorify Jesus?”. What a fabulous book. Such a great post and such great Jesus questions!
    Tabitha

    Reply

  5. Laurel Esser
    Mar 13, 2008 @ 08:47:42

    Ok so I re-read what I wrote and sometimes I don’t say what I mean…well I meant it but in not in the context that I disagree with anything, but I know you have the ‘Chudy’ tendancy to beat ourselves up more then we should, and that is often the very thing that prevents us from moving forward, you put to little emphasis on the amazing things that you have already been doing in the lives of people. The meals you make when we’re sick, or the cards, or the baskets or simply the way you do take care of your family when many people don’t consider that a high priority. It’s totally inspiring that your not satisfied at where you are and that you want to glorify God more, but you should be encouraged that what you may think is not enough has made a huge impact in the lives of the people around you,
    (I was going to add that I’m worried that beating yourself up to much may make you fall off your mountain, but don’t worry, God put a trampoline at the bottom…get it trampoline)

    Reply

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