Who’s on Top?

My sister totally ripped into me a few weeks ago.  Kinda out of no where…. She didn’t like how I was talking to a mutual friend of ours.  Ouch.  Laurel laid into me for about 15 minutes.  And then I had to suck it up, drive her home, and go to a party.  Thanks Laurel.

But, she was right.  I have thought about things A Lot lately…. and here are some of my conclusions…..

I thought I was the one scared of everyone else.  I thought I had the right to not be friendly, because I assume that the other women in my life are “on top” in the relationship.  Am I alone in this?  I have assumed, for a really, really long time, that other women are more confident than me, more comfortable with themselves than me, and are therefore in the better place to initiate the relationship.  I have put myself on the receiving end of every relationship – and sometimes that means blaming them when nothing comes out of them….  Like I think they call the shots, and not me.  Because I am intimidated by them.  Because I fear rejection.  Because I think everyone else is a put-together 10, and I am a 6… 

Sometimes it is going to church, and wondering why no one is coming up and saying hello (apart from my own circle).  Or wondering if someone is upset with me, or why they assume I’m upset with them…  and then I realise.  They are doing the same thing I am.  I seem put together.  I seem like I have a working group of friends.  I seem confident and comfortable with myself…. 

How naive, and irresponsible of me – to assume I need to wait for them… what if, what if I said hello first?  Or “how is it going?”  Or, “can we do coffee sometime?”  Worst case scenario – they say no.  But probably not.  Probably, everyone is that little bit insecure.  That little bit I-can’t-initiate….  

Friendships won’t come of it everytime.  But, I need to stop assuming the other person is calling the shots… and just be a friend. 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. krislinatin
    Jan 14, 2008 @ 15:52:06

    hello, were you in my brain, sucking out all those feelings and thoughts? 🙂
    Perhaps this is more common than we know. Women are a strange breed.
    UR Right, We need to just let down our guard and be a friend.
    Kristina

    Reply

  2. susan
    Jan 19, 2008 @ 20:29:26

    funny. i totally feel like ‘you are on top’ in our friendship…. hahaha. you are a wonderful friend. i am inspired by your honesty, your passion for God to get HIs glory, and how very easy it is to be around you!!!! 🙂

    i am so happy you live here. you make life more fun.
    su
    ps. you totally didn’t put yourself on the ‘receiving end’ of our relationship! you stepped out and asked me to come scrap booking- also!!! you gave ME A CARD long before i ever gave one to you, so so so strange-in my history of relationships i am the card giver!! hahaha. such a little thing, but it meant a great deal to my heart.

    Reply

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