“If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.”  Isaiah 58:10 

I would be remiss, if I blogged and neglected what has become a large part of my life lately – being involved with a good friend Angel, and her new triplets.

I counted today.  Almost 55 women have stepped up to help in the last month since Angel brought her babies home.  Some are friends and family.  Some come from my church – many now are word of mouth…  A friend brings a friend, who starts bringing friends.

I am delighted to see Angel’s needs met.  But something that is striking me more and more, and which I find increasingly worrisome – is how much talk there is about this being abnormal.   

This year has been a truly remarkable path for me.  Things started with Beth Moore’s Bible study, and progressed from there.  I started gobbling up books.  Alot of them.  One a week, for months…. and I wondered – I knew God was preparing my heart, and my soul, and grounding me – and I was trying to be patient, and grow, but I wanted to be Doing as well… The Mansvelds came and stayed for a week.  Their life verse is the one I quoted at the top… and they live it – on the streets of Montreal.  And I found myself warming up to the idea of being useful.  Of not offering excuses any more…  They have no idea what an impact their visit had on my heart – I love how God works in mysterious ways like that. 

God is using babies to do some incredible things right now.  But the purifying process is gruesome.  I have alot to repent of.  I am helping now – but I have immaturally offered kind words that I have not followed through with in the past.  Vain talk.  Promises of getting together, to talk things out – that I have not followed through on.  Promises of picking up the phone, and forgetting to call back.  Cards that are supposed to be mailed out…. So many times, where good intentions have not prevailed, because I have not actually been intentional.  Grand schemes of saving the world, without even meeting the needs of my own family….

I am grieved, rather than encouraged by the help for Angel.  There.  I have said it.  It does not look as scary on paper as I imagined.   Why grieved?  Because we are actually surprised that her needs are being met.  Because… it’s a big deal…. 

It’s a big deal to cook a meal for someone who has been attending our church for ten years.  It’s a big deal to help hold babies once a month.  It’s a big deal to fold someone else’s towels.  It’s a big deal for more than a dozen women from a church to meet the extranious needs of one of it’s own members.  It’s a big deal to run errands.  Or to listen on the phone.  It’s a big deal to pick a daughter up from school.  It’s a big deal to ask for help, and to actually receive it…..

Have we come so far?!?!!?  I look at facebook – so, so many women whose comments groan with the frustration of puke buckets and sleep deprivation.  So many who can not take care of their families this week.  An exhausted mommy, who had to handle far, far too much on her own, because I didn’t care enough to be involved in her life…  You are another pivitol point in this for me Karen – whether you read this or not…. Pregnant, running a day care, dealing with sexist insurance agents over a tree falling through your garage – while your husband had to be out of town for a week…. and I didn’t even care enough to know.  Or help.  I am so, so very sorry friend….

I have enough regrets.  In my sheltered, sinful and naive existence, I have had the audacity to bemoan the lack of whores to visit in Sarnia, the lack of sinners to restore, the lack of beggars to feed.  And I have not even stopped to take care of Christ’s own body.  For shame.  Are we so apathetic to the world around us, that we can not meet the small needs in one another’s lives?  Are we so afraid of getting burnt out, that we quit before we start?  Will I ever, ever love you more than I love me?  For even a moment?  Will your need for a hot meal that you did not have to cook, be greater than my need to mop my kitchen floor?  Will your need for a nap be greater than my need to sleep off a headache?  Will your need for a listening ear be greater than my need to watch football?  May it not always be like this.  I trust the Holy Spirit to continue to thaw out my heart to the needs of others.  To not let me accept mediocrity any longer.  To satisfy the world’s curiosity – that I am provoked by an overwhelming need for God to be glorified in my life, as I pour it out to meet the needs of others. 

“But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?”  1 John 3:17