My sister totally ripped into me a few weeks ago.  Kinda out of no where…. She didn’t like how I was talking to a mutual friend of ours.  Ouch.  Laurel laid into me for about 15 minutes.  And then I had to suck it up, drive her home, and go to a party.  Thanks Laurel.

But, she was right.  I have thought about things A Lot lately…. and here are some of my conclusions…..

I thought I was the one scared of everyone else.  I thought I had the right to not be friendly, because I assume that the other women in my life are “on top” in the relationship.  Am I alone in this?  I have assumed, for a really, really long time, that other women are more confident than me, more comfortable with themselves than me, and are therefore in the better place to initiate the relationship.  I have put myself on the receiving end of every relationship – and sometimes that means blaming them when nothing comes out of them….  Like I think they call the shots, and not me.  Because I am intimidated by them.  Because I fear rejection.  Because I think everyone else is a put-together 10, and I am a 6… 

Sometimes it is going to church, and wondering why no one is coming up and saying hello (apart from my own circle).  Or wondering if someone is upset with me, or why they assume I’m upset with them…  and then I realise.  They are doing the same thing I am.  I seem put together.  I seem like I have a working group of friends.  I seem confident and comfortable with myself…. 

How naive, and irresponsible of me – to assume I need to wait for them… what if, what if I said hello first?  Or “how is it going?”  Or, “can we do coffee sometime?”  Worst case scenario – they say no.  But probably not.  Probably, everyone is that little bit insecure.  That little bit I-can’t-initiate….  

Friendships won’t come of it everytime.  But, I need to stop assuming the other person is calling the shots… and just be a friend.